Question:
BOTH my parents have Alzheimers...Dad is in the early stages, but Mom is further along...and Dad is gettingmore and more lost because of it. He's still driving, and I want to get hislicense revoked for his safety as well as the driving public. It will breakhis heart, but what am I supposed to do, wait until there's an accident?But my sister says they're just fine, a little forgetful, that's all. Sherefuses to believe the diagnosis of Alzheimer's, saying it can only bediagnosed at autopsy, and brushes off the doctor's point-blank statementsthat Mom and Dad should NOT be living by themselves anymore. No matter howmany reports of Dad's dangerous driving, Mom wearing her clothes dirty andinside out, etc. we get from their friends at their congregation, my sisterjust brushes them off. It's like if she doesn't personally see it, itdidn't happen.

The last thing my parents need is their daughters fighting. I don't want tomake another problem in addition to the quite serious ones we already have.I usually am flexible where personal opinion is involved. But I don't thinkthis is one of those occasions. People's safety and possibly their verylives are at stake.

I just don't know where to begin. Can anyone help???

Answer: My advice is not to overwhelm yourself. Take it one step at a time. Iknow its difficult, but you don't need your sister on side to takeaction. You have POA and you have the doctor on your team. She mightnot like it, but she can't stop you from doing what you need to do tokeep them safe.

First priority is to get your father's driving stopped. In manyplaces, the doctor has a legal obligation to report patients withmedical conditions that make it unsafe for them to drive. Call thedoctor and ask him to act, and if he will not, you must immediatelycontact the licensing authority and report your father's condition anddiagnosis.

An interm step while you organize longer term support or care for themwould be to talk to your father about some domestic help. You might beable to sell him on a housekeeper by telling him he'd be doing you afavour, since you think he and your mother deserve a bit of a break.If nothing else, it will give you a pair of eyes to tell you whatsgoing on in the house, and maybe take care some of the chores. Don'tmake him do any legwork. Find someone and have them ready to go.

I'd also call your local Alzheimer's Association and find out aboutservices and supports in your area. They are likely to be full of goodideas and options for you. Again, as an interm thing, you might wantto get name tags and phone numbers sewn or ironed into your parentsclothing, and get them registered with any "safe return" programsthere may be in your area - often a cooperative venture with thepolice and Medic Alert where the cops keep pictures of potentialwanderers and contact information on file.