Question:
We have recently assumed care and responsiblity for my husband's mum who islate 70s and has dementia. She has deteriorated markedly in the severalmonths since she has been with us which was alarming.

My husband and I are professional people, and at this stage reluctant toshelve our careers - and let's face it - it's quite a relief to be able toescape to work each day. But we recognise that our mum was spending longhours on her own here during our absences. We have recently taken the bullby the horns and booked her in for three days a week at a specialised daycare centre close to here, which offers a pickup and delivery service, hotmidday meal (a great relief for us as she is unable to heat anythingherself) and they provide company and mental stimulation.

The down side of this wonderful concept is that she is always very resistantto the idea of going, to the point where my husband and I mention itmatter-of-factly to her over breakfast on the day and deflect all and anyobjections. The marvellous people who run the daycare are frequently intouch by phone to see how we are, and they tell us she is fine when she getsthere, and she is certainly a lot more bouncy in the evenings when she hasbeen. I think we will look at extending to 5 days in a few weeks' time, andwill steel ourselves to the objections.

Any similar experiences out there? Any hints / suggestions / advice?

Answer: I too was in a similar situation. My father has multi infarc dimentia andserious heart problems and diabetes. For more than a year he was in agreat day care situation three days per week. As he deteriorated, I had toput him on the bus, and be home for him when he returned. This pastAugust, an assisted living facility opened nearby. It has been a G-d send.

They have all the residents in a routine. Very great supervision from thestaff, but all the residents watch out for one another. They developfriendships as well as them having something to do and look forward to eachday.

Their meds are very carefully monitored and administrated. The nutritionis so good, that now my father is borderline diabetic. I have to believethat the routine of eating at the same time every day, and the dailyexercise, and having to walk much more than he did at home is all part ofhis excellent state of mind and body.

He is still deteriorating, but I feel at a much slower pace than he was athome. As many of you probable see, this is 1000 times better than himsleeping all day long. He is far more alert and oriented than he has beensince his stroke.

I highly recommend looking for an assisted living facility.