Question:
My mother hasdementia and lives by herself in Florida for several months out of the year.She still drives and can still pay her own bills (for the most part). Mybrother takes her down to her home in Florida and leaves her. She and hethink that this is fine. After spending two weeks with her in her homethere.... I have my doubts. I worry about her vulnerability since shecannot tell you her phone number or address without looking it up. Shecannot understand her finances like she used to. She just barely gets bywith her limitations etc. I would like for her to move into assistedliving here in the Midwest but I hate to go against my brother wishes. Ithink I could talk her into it since it is a nice apartment. Am I beingtoo protective? Any advice???

Answer: I was my late sister's crisis intervenor and conservator for over 12years. While traveling around the country, I found her in Wash,D.C.suffering from dementia (which I didn't realize at first) and breastcancer -- and not doing a thing about it! My brother was livingin the same building, and being no help. Admittedly, she wasvery difficult to deal with, but it should have been obvious thatthe situation could not continue as it was!

I stepped in and took complete charge; had her operated on; norecurrence. Brought her out to California and kept an close eye onher assisted living facility, then nursing home, until she died.

What I'm trying to say is that my sister should have hadsomeone take charge long before I found her. So pleasedon't let your mother's situation deteriorate until it movesfrom chronic to acute, and decisions have to be made inunseemly haste.

It seems to me that having your mother move into assistedliving near you would be the very best solution to yourworry and her needs.

Why would that be going against your brother's wishes?I apologize for being blunt -- but is it the case that hedoesn't want to be bothered with her care? If so,you could assure him that you will be the responsibleparty.