Question:
Both my grandfather and my husband'sstepmother have both been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, and bothare in the early stages of the disease. My husband's stepmother is only48, and she is the mom of 6-year-old twins. Since our family got thediagnosis last month, I have been looking madly (and in vain) forsupport resources for young children living with a parent withAlzheimer's. Their local Alzheimer's support group does not haveanything that fits with their unique situation. There is support forchildren who have a grandparent or other relative with the disease, aswell as for adult children of Alzheimer's patients, but I have not beenable to find anything specific for young children of Alzheimer'spatients. I know this situation is not really very common, but I *know*we can't be the only family facing this set of circumstances. Anybodyelse in this situation, or know of any resources I may have overlooked?

Answer: I'm a wife of an Alzheimer victim and our daughter was 9 when he wasfinally evaluated and diagnosed. As for personal support there are manyof us scattered all over the US who are in the same boat as yourhusbands stepmother and Dad. No support. I have battled with some ofthe best agencies where we live who reject our children for variousreasons..

The cancer support people say our kids parents don't have cancer anddon't see AD as a life threatening illness with a possible cure. Thegroups for Grieving Children say our kids parents are still alive andthese kids do not have the common ground as kids who've actually lost aparent to death. The mental health groups say AD is not a mental healthillness and the mentally handicapped groups say the same thing.. Ithink all of the groups used the term, "common ground"...

Since when have we, adults, become experts on empathy and support? Ithink adults need to learn much from children and their ability tocomfort and support each other when life tosses them a curve. Theirhearts are pure and lives untainted by our high and mighty educationprocess. Case in point; Our daughters best friend and next door neighbor losther Dad suddenly and unexpectedly 4 months before my husband wasdiagnosed. The girls have rallied for each other when kids have madeterrible comments about either of the girls Fathers.. (the Daddy whodied was an abusive alcoholic) I personally have privately criedwatching the girls interact with each other about the loss of eachothers Dads on various occasions. I helped them last summer make their,"Postal service to God" by planting a garden of flowers where the girlswrite letters for God and stick there little notes for the angels tocarry to God and Kaylyns Dad. Even though the man was a drunk and beather Mother, he's still her Daddy.

Even though the circumstances are different for these two girls, they'renot stupid and yet have been a great comfort for each other.. I thinkthe adults who run the various groups need to step back and look at thewhole picture of "grieving children" because I believe when left to theown devices, these childen may know better than we do..