Question:
I have a friend whose memory is slowly deteriorating.

It started with her losing words like "Samurai" and "cryptic" - just thatannoying moment when your mind goes blank when you have the word on thetip of your tongue... only happening sufficiently often to be disturbing.

Then it was forgetting to do things - she was making endless lists becauseotherwise she _would_ forget things she'd arranged to do.

It's now spread into actually forgetting things she's been told so thatthe memory of them isn't there even when she's reminded. It's stoppedbeing "mislaid" from mind, and there when reminded, and got into actually"lost entirely". This is real deterioration from when I spoke to herlast month.

I just got off the phone with her - it was really strange to tell hersomething and then have her ask about it again, and tell her again.It was hard to sound natural the subsequent times. I didn't knowwhether to say "I just told you this" and make her aware of it or not.I didn't.

Why does that have to happen? It's such an awful thing, she's stillalive and conscious she's just not... plugged in the way she'ssupposed to be. When I last saw her in the summer she was withdrawingfrom a lot of her social obligations because she knew she wasn't ontop of things. I can't see what's ahead of her but more of that, moreisolation, more withdrawal, less and less connection. She's worriedshe'll be a burden to her children, though she has now admitted theproblem to them.

Has anyone any experience of this sort of thing? If so, how did youcope with it and what level of honesty worked? Is it better to justanswer the question again and not say anything? I know it is withstroke patients. Is there anything that actually helps?

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Answer: That's so very sad. But it may not be Alzheimers so I'm glad she'stalked to her doctor who I hope will test for other problems, mayberefer her to a specialist in gerontology.

Also you may have happened to talk with her when she was especiallytired and that may have affected her mental acuity. Catch her on a"good" day and the decline may not be so dishearteningly obvious.

I don't know. I'd probably answer again with as much good humor as Icould muster -- but I wouldn't try to pretend nothing was wrong if thematter of memory lapses and other problems came up in conversationwith the person.

A couple of weeks ago there was a very touching and thoughtfulinterview on public radio here with Iris Murdoch's husband (JohnBailey?) about his life with her as she declined into the depths ofAlzheimers. He has written a book called _Elegy for Iris_ about thisexperience and his feelings about it.