Question:
My 75 yr old mother was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She's inthe early stage: has trouble finding words and balancing a checkbook,but still is able to handle personal care and drive a car. She's awareof her diagnosis.

We are starting to evaluate longterm care facilities for her sinceit's likely that once my father passes away she will find living aloneto be extremely difficult without his help. I've researched the nearbyfacilities that have Alzheimer's wings, and will be encouraging bothmy folks to take an evaluative visit. My question concerns whether sheshould also view the Alzheimer's wing at the time of her visit - woulda patient with knowledge of her condition find the actual conditionsinside an Alzheimer's wing upsetting or not?

Answer: I would advise against it, and if there is anything that shemight find negative about your first choice facility, I would bevery wary of taking her there, in part because when the timecomes to make the decision to move there, she will probably notbe the one making the decision. While she may not rememberthings that she doesn't like about the place, she will rememberhow she feels about it, and if those feelings are negative, maybecome very stubborn about moving.

In many cases, it's often best to make decisions *for* ADpatients, and then act like they have already agreed to dowhatever has to be done. In most cases, the dementia means thatthey can't make a reasoned choice, and there's no sense inoffering someone a choice if they can't/won't make the choicethat keeps them safe. Sometimes we have to practice "lovingdeception" in order to accomplish what's needed.

You will find out very quickly that it's useless to attempt toreason with someone with a dementia, and much easier to simplypresent them with a fait accompli. It's hard to accept thatsomeone you have known all your life doesn't make sense andcannot reason, but you just have to remember that it's not them,it's the disease.