Question:
I was interested in knowing how to respond to parents with alcoholdementia and I got some pretty good advice and support so I took thesuggestions offered..... so far there has been no help offered tome......wrote the doc.....no response....called social services theypretty much said oh well....even called elderly abuse and asked themwhat can be done if they are abusing themselves....not an option intheir opinion.....I keep hitting dead ends where ever I go and all I canget anyone to tell me is I need an attorney and a doctor to have themdeclared incompetent...and an attorney is not an option for me due tofinancial situation...and how am I gonna get a doctors advice if theyrefuse to go?.....pretty much had mom talked into one day then the nextshe refused again....anyway other advice I received was to pretty muchlet them alone and let the cards fall where they may.....I did it forawhile but my mom would leave such pitiful messages I just couldntcontinue to do it....her dementia worsens daily along with her physicalhealth.....my main concern right now is their financial status....my momis hoarding her SS checks and refusing to bank them and I know bills arenot being paid....my dad takes care of nothing....when I try to questionthem they get mad and tell me its none of my business....last week mydad called me drunk and says he needs to talk to me and my sis as towhat to do with mom....I told him there is nothing to do...I have triedeverything then I suggest the only cure is to get her to quit drinking Ialso suggest he needs to quit as well....he says thanks for nothing andhangs up....another concern is they are driving....the license platesare expired no insurance and dad has no license so he tells me he gotseveral tickets but still continues to drive....mom has her licensethough only God knows why and so she continues to drive.....one thingthat really tees me off about this is they refuse to drive anywhere theyneed to go like groceries or laundry but have no problem when they wantto go to the bar or the liquor store...........this is a small town andI am sure it is just a matter of time before they get caught but what ifthey have a wreck before then?.....really all it boils down to is moneymoney money....basically this is just an excercise infutility......nothing to do but just wait for it to get worse and worseand then what???

Answer: Have you checked with local bar association about getting a pro bono lawyer?Or checked with Legal Aid? There are usually some resources, even thoughlimited, to provide legal services to those with little money.

If they are truly a danger to themselves or others, you can have a judgedeclare them incompetent -- think this is probate court or family court,depending on where you are. They can either be named your ward or wards ofthe state. In SC at least, the sheriff's department will go get them andTAKE THEM to a competency assessment and hearing if the judge orders it. Iused to manage a family practice where the docs did mental healthevaluations (it was a small town too or they probably would have used aspecialist), and we often had a big burly deputy bringing in a senior forevaluation, sometimes weeping, sometimes defiant, but they knew that deputywould use the handcuffs if he needed to in order for them to comply with thecourt order. We had to do this with my alcoholic grandfather after a suicidethreat, and it was very difficult. When he sobered up and detoxed, he wascalling my dad's boss, trying to get him fired, accusing him of stealing(well, yes, he and my mom did search his mobile home and remove all thefirearms, knives, pills and booze).

As far as driving drunk with no insurance, call the state highway patrol andreport them. Do you want to wait until they kill themselves or someone else?Can you disable the car?

None of this would be easy. We are talking hard tough love here. If theyhave drunk themselves into this state, they are not going to stop now oftheir own accord.